The Testimony of “John Doe”

Due to the nature of my personal testimony I have received countless emails through my website, either commenting on my testimony, expressing the hope it has given them, and often sharing their own personal stories with me. There have been several people over the years that I have done personal healing ministry with.  But I would like to share an email I received recently. It is the first testimony of this particular nature, but to God it’s all the same. His Grace is sufficient.

To respect the privacy of the man I have used the proverbial “John Doe” Below is the email I received.

Hi Patti – My name is (John Doe)  I too grew up in a home with sexual, physical, emotional, verbal, psychological and spiritual abuse.  At age 24, I entered the gay life and became immediately sexually addicted.  I went deeper into that lifestyle and began taking drugs from age 30 – 35.  I was essentially re-abusing myself sexually and physically over and over…all the while trying to heal a distorted gender identity and “connect” with an abusive father and through by having sex with men.  Twelve years ago this June I had an enormous break down after two years of epiphanies/revelations that brought me to a decision point for Christ.  Two days after making the decision for Christ I began to decompensate and had a psychotic break.  I still suffer from dissociation and a sense of separation from God, myself and others.  I have suffered intensely…as I’m sure you are familiar with.

 I would love for you to pray for me.  I don’t know what to pray for other than for God to have mercy and to heal me.  Thank you and God bless! 

Thank you Pat.  I look forward to speaking with you.

P.S.  We usually finish with dinner and getting the kids settled around 8pm.  By the grace of God I got married about three weeks ago.

I did call him and we talked for about an hour. At one point he shared that he had been brought up in the church, attended Sunday school and was in the church for about 17 years, and said “Patty, in all that time I don’t ever remember anyone telling me that Jesus died for my sin!” How do you spend 17 yrs in church and not hear the most critical message that Jesus died for our sins and paid the price in full.

As people we are inclined to “rate” sin. How often have Christians quoted to a gay man of woman that “homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord?” Yes that is in the Bible, but why do we pick and choose according to our standards. Here are some other things that God hates according to Proverbs 6:16

16 These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:

17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,  ( I think abortion comes under  this category yet our tax dollars pay millions to pay for them)

18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,

1A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

Who are you Oh one who judges! This man had a transformed life yet still struggles, mostly with unforgiveness but he is trying. I prayed and I know God did something. Not a word was in vain. I delight in any testimony of a changed life redeemed by Jesus. The details do not matter, what matters is a repentant heart and one seeking after God, for he shall be found.

How often do we quote John 3-16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever shall believeth on him should not perish but have everlasting life.” It goes on to say in John 3:17 “For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.”

I am happy to share this testimony with you. Please listen to You’re Not Guilty Anymore” by Aaron Keyes.

If you know of anyone who would relate to this story please share it. I have talked to some living the gay lifestyle who have had Christians and Pastors tell them point blank that God hates them! God hates sin….period. We were all dead in our trespasses regardless of what they were, and if you are a child of God you have been saved by Grace and not of yourselves so that no man may boast.

In closing I quote Isaiah 1:18

Come now and let us reason together,” says the Lord. “though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”

Written by Pat Torok

Why India? Why me?

‘God works in mysterious ways’  

I first met Patricia Torok on 25th February 2012, on a Christian online video conference  with Carlotta Waldmann and seven other people. We were all sharing testimonies and speaking of God’s goodness. Patricia and I began to talk privately together and our friendship grew rapidly. Within weeks we were pouring out our hearts to each other! In conversation we said that in the future, one day we would be ministering together.

Patricia invited me to go to India, seeing my potential and gifting’s. I on the other hand, felt like the expectations of man were overcoming me! I’m used to swimming in the deep end, but this felt like I was having to dive from a 20 meter platform!

My battle with Self-Worth

I was very excited about India but I was apprehensive about my performance. Pastors there would be advertising “Evangelist Patricia Torok and Prophetess Deborah Butt” – how could I live up to such an expectation? I know my destiny of a Prophetess but I am definitely not stepping out in even a fraction of its potential! Would people ask me for words/prophecies or direction in their lives? What if I get it wrong? What about leading worship? I knew it wasn’t about my individual performance because I was only going for God, but I was really concerned about what people would think of me.

The week before I traveled to India, I visited my parents because my Dad was rushed to hospital. During my stay there, I was compelled to go to a local Church. It just so happened that the man speaking that night was a full time minister that traveled Europe doing healing meetings. He spoke about the amazing creative miracles he had seen. This stirred up the passion and excitement in my heart. At the end, I went forward asking for prayer about my struggle with peoples expectations. God spoke directly to my heart through him, reassuring me that everything would come naturally to me and that God would provide my every need.

Jehovah Jireh – God our provider 

Since God had confirmed so many times that I was going to go to India with Patricia, money was not an issue or worry for me. I couldn’t afford to go. I didn’t have any spare money to go towards the trip. I earn so little at the moment that I am spending my earnings on living costs. I knew that because God wanted me there, He was gonna get me there! I had no other option either!

I received many gifts from people that enabled me to get everything I needed for the trip including the plane ticket. Within the last week before my trip I was still in need of £400. God set me up in positions where old friends were asking to spend time with me in order to give me more gifts for India. I just had to rely on God.

The morning I was leaving to start the journey to India I was £50 short – I hadn’t had enough finances to purchase the flight ticket. I had everything else except the ticket for the plane! Holy Spirit had got my heart and silently spoke to me and I knew that all I had to do was trust! I got on a coach to travel to the airport, still not having enough money. Just an hour before I arrived, someone had transferred exactly £50 into my bank account, enabling me to buy my ticket at the airport. Praise the Lord!! Patricia had told an Indian pastor that my flight number was F-A-I-T-H!

Faith is spelt ‘R-I-S-K’

On arriving India on the morning of the 3rd of November, all my past worries about peoples preconceptions of a young prophetess from England had disappeared. God had actually got me there! It was surreal to meet Patricia for the first time at Hyderabad airport. God’s plan had worked out and been successful. On a few occasions I said to Holy Spirit “You’ve actually got me here? Nice one!!! Well done!!” After the crazy adventure He had got me through to arrive in India, I realized I was safe in His arms! He could protect me! He could provide for me! He could get me through anything!

In the first week of being in India I found out that I had -£0.49 in my bank account. Trusting God was getting easier for me. Since God had helped me get over my worries, provided for me and got me to India, I was certain He could provide for me whilst I was there! I ended up receiving more financial gifts and was able to even buy presents for my friends back in England.

Jehovah Mekoddishkem – The Lord Who Sanctifies You
Jehovah Jireh – The Lord Will Provide
Jehovah Tsidkenu – The Lord Our Righteousness
Jehovah Rapha – The Lord That Heals
Jehovah-Raah – The Lord My Shepherd
Jehovah Shalom – The Lord Is Peace

We are born to worship God!

Sometimes I see myself on a diving platform, ready to jump off into the pool of water far below. But Jesus is always standing right behind me, egging me on. India was completely out of my comfort zone but OH Hallelujah! God broke through my insecurities and used my weakness to make His strength perfect…

2 Corinthians 12:9  (Amplified Bible) “But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness.

Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!”

God I thank You that You are trust worthy! You are pure! That Your yoke is easy, and Your burden is light. God I praise You for all the miracles You have done in my life. I pray that as the readers put their trust in You, that You would display Your glory where ever they go! God would You pour out Your strength and power on them, displaying supernatural miracles, signs and wonders! Empower them with boldness and security in You to preach the gospel to all men and all nations!

Deborah Butt

The Battle of Bael

It was nearing the end of our time in India when we were taken to a very remote village in the state of Tamil Nadu. As we began to enter the village by car we could hear preaching over a loud speaker, but it was not preaching Jesus. In fact it was Muslims preaching Mohammad! It has become a new venture for Islam to hold evangelistic meetings and broadcast in this manner. In 12 yrs of visiting India in cities or remote villages I have never come across this. My new missionary partner Deborah Butt of UK said “so we’re competing against Allah tonight” I said “No Problem!” I will stand toe to toe with anyone and the Gospel of Jesus Christ will always rule as the Power of the Gospel is a force to be reckoned with. “For the Word of God is Living and Powerful, sharper then any double edged sword; piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

To be sure it was a volatile situation. We later learned that as the pastor who had scheduled this had rented a rickshaw with a speaker announcing that two women missionaries, one from America and one from UK would be preaching a message tonight at 7 pm. There became immediate opposition from both Hindu and Muslim. A few went about the village threatening people NOT to attend the meeting! This is not to be taken lightly as the persecuted church is a serious problem in India and other parts of the world. One should also be “wise as serpents and gentle as doves” Matt 10:16

Here is an amazing confession. As we sat in a side room waiting to be introduced, In the natural I did not know anything about the threats earlier in the day nor the fact that the main pastor was still trying to resolve conflict within the village. But….I looked out into the night sky and just asked the Lord for a garrison of angels round about us, then starred into the sky knowing they were there just wondering how large a company of angels that would be. That they were there was not the question. I didn’t know there was threat of an intrusion in the meeting by opposing Hindu’s and Islamist. I only knew something felt “off” in my spirit and I immediately ask for protection without giving into fear.

When we were finally called out we started off with Worship. I started with a Worship song I had written called “Ode to Abba”, followed by “I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back.” Deborah led in a few more songs and then instead of going into preaching I felt led to start off with testimonies. The pastor who had taken us there gave his testimony and we called a few from the audience to give testimonies of their experiences. Deborah gave hers which is very powerful and at last I gave mine.  I explained to the people how important our testimonies are and quoted Rev 12:11. “They overcame by the Word of their testimony and the Blood of the Lamb.” Any person can dispute your ‘doctrine or belief’ but you absolutely cannot dispute a persons personal testimony of a changed life as of the result of a personal encounter with the One True Living God Jesus Christ. I can certainly imagine that there may have been within those seated, Muslims and or Hindu’s just waiting for me to say a word against their “gods” or religion. But I did not. Instead we gave testimony after testimony of the Power of God in our lives, Miracles and such and then we stopped to allow Holy Spirit the freedom to come in the fullness of His Glory.

First I did an altar call several people stepped forward. I led in a sinners prayer through translators and then began to move through the crowd. This is what any who were there to spy the meeting would have seen to report back. The Power of God came down, people were suddenly speaking in tongues, some slain in the spirit, some jumping for joy but the witness of this had to be quite compelling. As God is faithful there was no disruption and many Miracles.

After the meeting was over is when we were told about the threat. It was nearly 11 o’clock by then as all were gathering chairs and speaking to one another. I was the first to walk to the car where an old woman was waiting. I had no translator with me at the time but I layed hands on her and began to pray. At that time pastor Samuel was present and I asked him to ask her if she wanted to receive Jesus. He said she wanted to come to the meeting but was afraid because of the threats but she was waiting for us…waiting  for Jesus. Hallelujah! Her countenance changed immediately and I could see the peace in her eyes. We hugged and said goodbye. It was a Glorious night!

Written by Patricia Torok

No Turning Back

Today I received an email requesting me to endorse the music ministry of Gordon Berry. My first response was this. I would not endorse any person I did not know  personally or of those whom I value their word.  He provided a link to his ministry page and God spoke! This very morning I was feeling anxious about my upcoming missions trip to India. The first time God called me to India was the year 2000. I remember that every cell in this human flesh was opposed! But my spirit is indeed stronger and I went. So much I learned and saw and experienced I can only tell you read the Ebook on my website “To India With Love.” God called again in 2007, 2010 and now I am bound for India Nov 1-21 just under 6 weeks from now. I was feeling anxious because of health problems but at no point thought to decline. I have already purchased my ticket and gotten my shots. I HAVE DECIDED TO FOLLOW JESUS.

This is how God used Gordon to lift my heart and encourage me that now I could jump on the plane tomorrow! Oops not yet packed! As soon as the page loaded it begins with a man telling the story of a man in a small village where…..India! The man is told to renounce Jesus and he and his family will live. The man thinks on the words of a song he had composed and began to sing “No Turning Back” . We are in the army of the Lord and there is no turning back if you have truly decided to follow Jesus. The story Gordon tells brought back to memory an experience I will share with you now.

It was my first visit in the year 2000. I had been there 3 weeks. All the revivals and street crusades were done and myself and 3 young pastors had gone for the day to visit church members and say my goodbyes. As we went crowds would gather all along the way people wanting prayed for and bringing their children out for me to Bless. One house we were invited to was the home of a Brahman priest. He was slain in the spirit and saved and delivered of alcoholism. Praise God. We continued on mile after mile into the deepest slum village. A woman came out frantically asking us to come pray for her dying husband. Scroll down to the blog “Saving Jeremiah” to read that story. What I didnt write in that story was  this.  It was dark now and we were a couple miles from our church, traveling along a dark road along a canal. It was just me and three very young pastors when we realized we were being followed by a mob. It was obvious they intended to overtake us which would have been very very easy to do , in the natural! In the natural the response might be to run or cry help. But that was not my response. I did not run nor speed up my pace. I turned to my young friends and said SING. They looked at me as if I was oblivious  that we were being trailed by a mob no doubt with murder in their hearts and a handy canal to dump our bodies. I said again SING. We began to sing, walking our same pace and singing Amazing Grace. The mob continued to follow us all the way back to the church but there remained a consistent gap between us. This is my belief. I believe if they could have closed the gap and killed us they would have. I believe they didn’t because God put angels between them and us.  That is my belief to this day. But if they had overtaken us I would have died declaring Jesus as Lord. No turning back. Not then, not now, not ever.

Hearing Gordon’s story today and India being mentioned within the first few minutes of the story was God confirming once again, “Follow me, to India for that is where I have called you. Fear not for I am with you says the Lord.”

I have embedded the link to Gordon’s website and I will write that recommendation. His passion for Jesus shines and the anointing in his voice is powerfully evident. It is my pleasure to introduce to to you the ministry of Gordon Berry.

I am leaving for India Nov 1st and returning Nov 21. Prophetess Deborah Butt from England is meeting up with me there and together with Ms Hannah Rao we hope to begin the ground floor of establishing the Hannah Home for orphan children. Please pray for us and the vision we share. I hope you will support this endeavor that was the vision given to Hannah. Read her testimony on the “About us” page.

Thank you for all your support in prayer and in finances. Shalom.

It’s Your Love

Towards the end of year 2011 it was prophesied that I would write two songs. Living Water was written and recorded in 2000. Lo and behold as prophesy that is “accurate” I wrote “Ode To Abba” Jan 30, 2012. One down…one to go. I cannot just sit and determine to write a song, I never could. I have to be inspired. Well today, somewhere between Walmart and Home Depot I started singing a song in my head and the words were just flowing. I came home, got my guitar and started writing.

Well it used to be I was so afraid,
Didn’t know it but I’d lost my way.
Just a face in the crowd with my head in the clouds,
Trying hard to survive all the pain deep inside.
Always searching, I was so confused
Making choices, didn’t know what to do
But then You came along, now Im singing this song,
Got to tell everyone what has made me so strong.
God it’s Your love that makes me see,
And it’s Your love that has set me free,
Nothing else is secure, It’s a dangerous world
But the darkness will hide from Your glorious light.
God it’s Your love
It’s a new day and I’m so amazed,
Of the changes in my life You’ve made.
Holy Spirit come and live through me,
Now my life is in You, come and make me a new – creation.
God it’s Your love, that has turned me around,
And it’s Your love, that has made me sound,
In my mind and my soul, no more loosing control
Cos I give it to You, yes I give You my soul.
God it’s Your love, that makes me smile,
And it’s Your love flowing deep from inside,
Like a river that flows, from the depths of my soul.
It’s a wellspring of life, cause You’re living inside.
It’s Your love
Now I’m taking, what You’ve given me,
I’m no longer, what I used to be,
I’m not taking the blame, I’m no longer the same,
For the old man is dead and I’m risen again
With You Jesus, Jesus
I love You Jesus
Cause it’s Your love … that saved me Jesus.

I think it still needs a bridge but I feel before the week is out my new second song will be finished and I will add it to the Ode To Abba CD along with another original “His Name Is Jesus” Id forgotten to add. So….stay tuned….two more songs to be added to the Ode To Abba CD.

Also, the cover picture I am using was my friend just playing with her new phone near sundown. At first glance I knew it was my cover photo. I welcome your comments.

Oh and……..yesterday I went and got my 2 photos to renew my passport which expired last year but my visa for India is good till 2015. I filled out the form, send photos and money order and my new passport should arrive in 4-8 weeks. Mission accomplished.