‘God works in mysterious ways’
I first met Patricia Torok on 25th February 2012, on a Christian online video conference with Carlotta Waldmann and seven other people. We were all sharing testimonies and speaking of God’s goodness. Patricia and I began to talk privately together and our friendship grew rapidly. Within weeks we were pouring out our hearts to each other! In conversation we said that in the future, one day we would be ministering together.
Patricia invited me to go to India, seeing my potential and gifting’s. I on the other hand, felt like the expectations of man were overcoming me! I’m used to swimming in the deep end, but this felt like I was having to dive from a 20 meter platform!
My battle with Self-Worth
I was very excited about India but I was apprehensive about my performance. Pastors there would be advertising “Evangelist Patricia Torok and Prophetess Deborah Butt” – how could I live up to such an expectation? I know my destiny of a Prophetess but I am definitely not stepping out in even a fraction of its potential! Would people ask me for words/prophecies or direction in their lives? What if I get it wrong? What about leading worship? I knew it wasn’t about my individual performance because I was only going for God, but I was really concerned about what people would think of me.
The week before I traveled to India, I visited my parents because my Dad was rushed to hospital. During my stay there, I was compelled to go to a local Church. It just so happened that the man speaking that night was a full time minister that traveled Europe doing healing meetings. He spoke about the amazing creative miracles he had seen. This stirred up the passion and excitement in my heart. At the end, I went forward asking for prayer about my struggle with peoples expectations. God spoke directly to my heart through him, reassuring me that everything would come naturally to me and that God would provide my every need.
Jehovah Jireh – God our provider
Since God had confirmed so many times that I was going to go to India with Patricia, money was not an issue or worry for me. I couldn’t afford to go. I didn’t have any spare money to go towards the trip. I earn so little at the moment that I am spending my earnings on living costs. I knew that because God wanted me there, He was gonna get me there! I had no other option either!
I received many gifts from people that enabled me to get everything I needed for the trip including the plane ticket. Within the last week before my trip I was still in need of £400. God set me up in positions where old friends were asking to spend time with me in order to give me more gifts for India. I just had to rely on God.
The morning I was leaving to start the journey to India I was £50 short – I hadn’t had enough finances to purchase the flight ticket. I had everything else except the ticket for the plane! Holy Spirit had got my heart and silently spoke to me and I knew that all I had to do was trust! I got on a coach to travel to the airport, still not having enough money. Just an hour before I arrived, someone had transferred exactly £50 into my bank account, enabling me to buy my ticket at the airport. Praise the Lord!! Patricia had told an Indian pastor that my flight number was F-A-I-T-H!
Faith is spelt ‘R-I-S-K’
On arriving India on the morning of the 3rd of November, all my past worries about peoples preconceptions of a young prophetess from England had disappeared. God had actually got me there! It was surreal to meet Patricia for the first time at Hyderabad airport. God’s plan had worked out and been successful. On a few occasions I said to Holy Spirit “You’ve actually got me here? Nice one!!! Well done!!” After the crazy adventure He had got me through to arrive in India, I realized I was safe in His arms! He could protect me! He could provide for me! He could get me through anything!
In the first week of being in India I found out that I had -£0.49 in my bank account. Trusting God was getting easier for me. Since God had helped me get over my worries, provided for me and got me to India, I was certain He could provide for me whilst I was there! I ended up receiving more financial gifts and was able to even buy presents for my friends back in England.
Jehovah Mekoddishkem – The Lord Who Sanctifies You
Jehovah Jireh – The Lord Will Provide
Jehovah Tsidkenu – The Lord Our Righteousness
Jehovah Rapha – The Lord That Heals
Jehovah-Raah – The Lord My Shepherd
Jehovah Shalom – The Lord Is Peace
We are born to worship God!
Sometimes I see myself on a diving platform, ready to jump off into the pool of water far below. But Jesus is always standing right behind me, egging me on. India was completely out of my comfort zone but OH Hallelujah! God broke through my insecurities and used my weakness to make His strength perfect…
2 Corinthians 12:9 (Amplified Bible) “But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness.
Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!”
God I thank You that You are trust worthy! You are pure! That Your yoke is easy, and Your burden is light. God I praise You for all the miracles You have done in my life. I pray that as the readers put their trust in You, that You would display Your glory where ever they go! God would You pour out Your strength and power on them, displaying supernatural miracles, signs and wonders! Empower them with boldness and security in You to preach the gospel to all men and all nations!